My shoe broke at work the other day. I tried to duck tape it together, but on account of the dirt, the rain, and the cheapened quality of today's duck tape, the repair job didn't really hold up so well. After 2 long hot days of wearing my steel toed work boots on a steep bank and nearly wearing the ends of my toes off, I decided I needed an interim pair of work shoes until I have the time to go shopping for proper foot wear. I headed off to Roses Wednesday night for a $12.50 pair of Jonathan Youngs. They are a men's size 9 and the ugliest shoes to ever walk the streets (or yards as it were) of Asheville. If you have never been to a Roses, I would say consider yourself lucky. I happen to get a huge kick out of the place, but it is, after all, a dying enterprise and is therefore dirty, smelly, and extremely weird. The stuff is cheap and random, the store is oddly lit, and there is always very bad and never heard before background music playing.
I wore my Jonathan Youngs to work these past 2 days, and thank God for them because it was hotter than a pile of dirty hoisery outside and we needed something to talk about to pass the time. I would say to anyone I care about: Do not buy a pair of Jonathan Youngs from Roses and wear them to work unless you have a rather high tolerance for both weirdness and teasing. I decided to deflect some of negative qualities of the JYs by beginning to write a rap about them. So far I have:
(Background ladies, high pitch) Gonna have fun
Gonna have fun,
Gonna have fun in my
Jonathan Youngs
(My voice, regular pitch) Cold hard pimpin in my Jonathan Youngs
Livin it up in my Jonathan Youngs
Walkin around in my Jonathan Youngs
You don't know sh*t about my Jonathan Youngs
Yo Jonathan Young why you so white
When you rollin in the mud all day and night
Yo Jonathan Young why you so blue
You gotta dirty hoe walkin over you
Anyways, the possibilites for this rap are vast. Please feel free to write verse suggestions in the comment box. I know my verses are kind of lame (not unlike the shoes), but I had to get a little something started.
***Thanks to Rachel (Girl in an Apron) for the photos of my JYs!
4 comments:
I have never, ever, in my life met anyone with your style Dane! Fearless, classy, and rappin about it! Thanks for the early morning laugh out loud!!!!
I really, really like the one rolled down sock. It might deserve a verse of its own. We'll work on that.
Dana, yo raps is stupid dumb tight! I love it. I would love to see a music video of your JY rap...think of the possibilities...
I sang your rap to my brother, and we had it stuck in our heads all day...spreading the love in the deep south!
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