Sunday, February 24, 2008

Now I'm good, but I maybe used to be a heathen

Friday morning I was driving out to Haywood County to retrieve some very delicious trout from Sunburst Trout, and I decided, as I often do, to maximize my driving experience by tuning in to WHBK radio (am 1460 out of Marshall). I turned it on just in time to catch the Bible reading of the morning, which was from 1 Corinthians 11, which reads as follows from verse 3 to verse 15:

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head
of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. But every woman
that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dihonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be
covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image of God: but the woman is the glory
of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman;
but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord. For as the woman
is of the man, even so is the man by the woman; but all things of God. Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman
pray unto God uncovered? Does not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given to her for a covering.

Thank God I have long hair. Because I really want to be able to have the option of praying or prophesying. I think I maybe used to be a really really bad woman because ten years ago I shaved my head. My only glimmer of hope is that I left a very long rat tail. Is that long enough to be a covering for me? Because I may have prayed or prophesyed during that time. It is likely that I did.
My question for the public is this: What if a woman who was virtuous in every other way had a mullet? Would she be considered ungodly and uncovered? Is is possible to be shameful in the front and glorious in the back? Perhaps a woman with a mullet can only send her prayers out from the back of her head? Would that be considered radiating white light out from your brain stem? What chakra is that? This is all very confusing. (So is the punctuation in the above Bible passage...)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Dana Tries her Hand at Office Work (dedicated to BT)

Seven useful and interesting things I have learned working in an office:

1. Working in an office is not so bad after all, except that it makes me fart really really really badly.

2. If people in this particular office are anotomically average, and I have no reason to believe otherwise, I am pretty sure I use the bathroom approximately 4 times more often than the average American.

3. If they so choose, people can tune each other out very effectively.

4. If they so choose, people can eavesdrop on each other very effectively.

5. Corny humor is alive and well in the world.

6. It is quite normal for people to email each other from the same small office.

7. When doing totally uncreative and repetitive tasks such as stuffing 200 binders, one can be compelled to reveal bizarre tidbits about oneself to people who would never be privvy to that information otherwise. Examples: "I used to want to swim the English Channel," and " I've always secretly wanted to be Catholic."

Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Life and Death of One Light Rock Cake

Light rock cakes can be used for a number of occasions, as long as you can be inspired for the perfect lyrics to match the situation. When SM had a monumnetal birthday in January, I knew that it was extra- crucial to find the perfect light rock song for her. I did something I have never in my light rock cake career done before; I selected a non-light rock song for the light rock cake. I decided that as the inventor of light rock cakes, I had the authority to use creative license in this way. The song I selected was a SM original, which was actually composed to mock Phish. I figured that in a perfect world, this song would reach the top 20 in 2008, and then in 15 or 20 years would retire into a classic light rock status. Here is a photo documentary of the life and death of SM's light rock cake.

Monday, February 4, 2008


Whoever guesses the meaning of this wins a prize...