Sunday, October 7, 2007
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
2. A rainbow over the Bypass Automotive (25/70 Marshall Bypass) is about one of the prettiest sights the naked eye could behold.
3. Kittens are damn cute, but I am still allergic to cats.
4. A small kitten can eat an entire mouse without getting sick.
5. People resist change.
6. People still read your blog even if you haven't written anything in 2 months...
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
My answer to my my own question was surprisingly freeing. If I lost my patience, that is exactly what would happen- I would lose my patience. Life would go on. I would go on. No catastrophic event would follow. I would continue doing the exact task I had been doing. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I realized that patience isn't really anything other than patience, and that made the whole stress of the situation yesterday kind of humorous in a way. It didn't change the way I felt, which was on the broink of losing my patience, but at least I laughed while feeling that way. And I kept going.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Anyways, my thought is, when I am old, will the people of my generation gather together on a regular basis to visit and share food, memories and music? What will be the nostalgic sound for people of my generation when we are hobbling around with walkers? Will we take the time to go to KFC and pick up a bucket of fried chicken? Will we have any traditions to preserve? Will we take the time to talk to youngsters and offer to teach them everything we know, as one man last night offered to MMC5th? I guess my best projection is that we will pine for dance music of the 80's- and that we will not look half as graceful as those old hillbillies waltzing to "In the Pines" as we will trying to rock out to "Karma Chameleon."
Friday, March 16, 2007
informant: personal experience
2. Purple nail polish is being worn by all the young people these days (meaning women under 40). informant: my grandmother
3. Pepsid AC can help me with my indigestion. It either comes in powder or tablet form.
informant: my sister (via memory from television commercials)
4. My next door neighbor, the taxidermist, did NOT kill all of the bobcats in our cove last fall, even though he did kill 3 with his bow and arrows.
informant: the bobcat kitten I saw last night
5. Good clean fun is not a thing of the past.
informant: insinuation from life experience, plus the flyer I saw for a Beltane
"treasure hunt" party
6. Some kids are not lazy.
informant: Mountain Express article about a high school boy who makes bagpipes in
his free time
7. If I shave my head again, I will look like a boy or a dike.
informant: my very informative sister
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
"A little lower," he said, and I reached down to my lower back. "A little lower," he kept saying as I reached lower and lower, until I felt the stick on the lower part of my butt, like near where my butthole was. I burst out laughing and blurted out, "Did you mean- Ma'am you have a lollypop stick on your ass?!?" A sheepish glance and a shrug of the shoulders was the reply.
Well, the other day I was talking with friends RM and her dear, dear daughters (who were ever so patiently waiting in the car for their mother). For some reason I ended up telling them the "lollypop on the back" story, which elicted a few good chuckles from all 3 ladies, particularly from my young friend "B".
Two days later I got a phone message from "B" telling me she wanted to "chat about a lollypop stick." I couldn't stand the suspense so I called right back. As it turns out, the very next evening after I had told them the lollypop stick story, they had gone to get some pizza in Weaverville. As I understand the story, during the pizza dinner, "B" glanced out the window just in time to notice the full lunar eclipse, in the moment of full eclipse. The family was very excited. When "B" got up, guess what----that's right, she had a lollypop stick on her "back." Sanctified by the moon in full eclipse herself...
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Hearing about my plans to leave seemed to make "B" feel kind of sentimental about everything. He told me what a good tenant I have been and urged me to stay as long as I could. Then he proceeded to tell me more about the place that I live than I ever knew.
Long ago, when "B" was just a boy, he and his daddy cleared all the land where I live (the yard, the garden, the hay field and the back pasture) with a mule. He used to have to farm like that until he went away to the Navy. When he was a boy, some of his kin folk lived over in Sodom*. He used to take a mule over a gap on the ridge to get down into Sodom. He pointed out the spot in the ridge and said it was called Low Gap. He said back then all the people who lived over in Sodom Laurel and Guntertown would travel by foot over Low Gap down into Hickory Flats to get to Marshall. He said every week when people would get their welfare checks, they would walk from Sodom over Low Gap to Hickory Flats. There was a man who lived at the top of the cove beneath Low Gap who had a car. A lot of times he would give people a rive to 25/70, where they would catch a bus to Marshall to get their checks cashed and buy groceries. He said Low Gap through Hickory Flats was the main transportation route from people in Laurel to get to Marshall back then.
Then he told me of this lady named Granny someone who lived in one of the houses on Hickory Flats. She had the worst humpback of anyone he ever saw- got it when she was young. She was so humpbacked it wasn't even funny. She raised these 2 boys who were kin to her somehow. Their parents died, and she raised them. Even with that humpback she did everything for them 2 boys- cooked their meals, made their clothes, raised a garden, chopped wood. He said she was a real good woman, and everyone called her Granny.
He told me about an ole feller named Buddy who lived down in a shack until he died a few years ago. He used to walk up and down the highway every day.
"B" and I walked up the road to check a mare who is due to have a colt any day. He noticed that someone cut a doughnut in his bottom hay field. He kept repeating, "Who cut a doughnut on my bottom?" He was mildly upset about it. I guess his "bottom" referred to his bottom field... I had to look away when he said that for reasons that should be obvious.
I was so excited to get all this history off "B". It made me think I'll have to wait a spell and then remind him that I am moving soon and see if he comes out with even more good stuff from long ago... In the meantime I plan to walk over Low Gap into Sodom sometime this week.
*Note: Sodom is not only a rural part of Madison County, but it was a city destroyed by god because of its wicked ways in the old testament (Genesis 19:24-28) Apparently, Lot struck a deal with the Lord and the Lord spared he and his family by giving them time to flee the burning city. The only thing was they were not allowed to ever look back. Lot's wife, however, took one final peek and was turned into a pillar of salt (by the Lord of course).
Thursday, February 8, 2007
This next one is me with my brain tanned buckskin I wrote so much about.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Much fun was had by SM, MH, and I when we hit the town (Marshall, that is) on Tuesday. After spending 2 plus hours laughing and carrying on in the new Zuma's, we decided to fart around on the bridge for a while.
Then we moved the party to right outside the Sentinel office, where SM and I did some headstands and such. I wanted to breakdance on top of the Sentinel office, but there were people in there. I didn't know that Marshall could be so fun. I guess it was the company... Thanks to MH for the photos.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I started driving home to Marshall, and I decided to stop at the Flick Video and pick up some evening entertainment. I pulled into the parking lot behind a big black Toyota Tundra (or something of the likes of that) that was smothered in Plott Hound* bumper stickers. Well, that got me all fired up because I love plott hounds and plott hound paraphanalia, so I decided to follow the driver into the Family Dollar and ask him where he got all those pretty stickers. I quickly took off my fake (God forgive me Daniel Boone) coonskin hat and replaced it with my pink "Got Plott?" baseball cap. I followed the feller in, but when I saw him close up I decided to bag the whole idea. He looked like a character from Deliverance- camo threads, intense red face, beady eyes, and a mouth spilling over with baccer. I high-tailed it past him to the cosmestics isle, grabbed some cotton face pads, and went to pay. Well guess what... That feller was blocking the way to the cashier and burning a hole in my Got Plott cap with his stare. The conversation went as follows:
Me: Are you in line?
Feller: Nope. Are you?
Me: I'm fixin to get in line. Excuse me.
Feller: (Doesn't move) What's that say on yer cap?
Me: (Bending head down to show) Got plott?
Feller: You like plotts?
Me: Yeah, do you?
Feller: (Staring hard) Yeah.
Me: I got one.
Feller: I got six.
Me: Do you hunt?
Feller: (Staring hard.) Bear.
Me: Did you get any?
Feller: (Holding stare.) Lots.
Me: Did they ever kill your plotts?
Feller: Sometimes. (Long pause) Do you hunt?
Feller: Why not?
Me: (Beginning to feel warm and a bit claustrophobic) I don't know. I guess it's just one of those
things I never learned.
Feller: (Intensifiying stare by double) You wanna learn?
Me: inaudible mumble
Feller: Where do you live?
Me: (lying) On Walnut.
Feller: I live on Shelton Laurel. (Pulling wallet from back pocket, but holding glare) Here's my
card. Call me on my cell phone.
Me: (Looking for a way out) Do you breed plotts too?
Feller: Yeah. (Family Dollar "sales rep" reappears to help Feller select an appropriate Family
Dollar cell phone plane.) Stick around a minute so I can talk to you.
Me: (Seeing an out I purchase the cotton pads as quickly as possible and holler) Thanks for the
card- I'll give you a call if I need a new plott!
Proceeding this weird and uncomfortable conversation, I walked quickly next door to the safety of the bright florescent lights of the Flick Video. I selected 2 movies (Taladega Nights and Coal Miner's Daughter, the Story of Loretta Lynn), and went to pay. While paying, I noticed a rack of Unicorn Pops in the candy section with a sign that read: All Pops Half Off. I thought 'Damn. I just bought a Unicorn Pop for full price at the damn Fresh Market. Oh well.' I left and drove home.
Shortly after I arrived home and the garage apartment heated up a little, I got to thinking about those half off Unicorn Pops and getting really excited, and I decided that I wanted to go back and buy them all. After all, when are Unicorn Pops half off? I seriously contemplated going back out in the snow because I got nervous that someone would beat me to it before the next morning. Luckily, I checked myself and was able to convince myself that no one would probably think to buy a whole rack of Unicorn Pops on the same night as I did.
This morning I ate breakfast with MMC5th at The Cafe on 213, and I made it over to Flick Video at 10:05. They open at 10:00. I walked in and said, " I would like to buy all of your Unicorn Pops, please." I counted them out, and after a brief conversation with the seemingly very disturbed store clerk, I happily purchased 49 Unicorn Pops. I told the clerk a little white lie, which was that I was going to use them as prizes in my classroom. That seemed to ease her mind a little, and later MMC5th told me that was a very compassionate white lie to tell...
I promptly returned to the garage apartment, the proud owner of 50 Unicorn Pops, and commenced with the READ intended use of the candy...
Curtains! I strung up all 50 of the Unicorn Pops and hung them (25 on each) on the curtain rods of 2 of my windows, creating a top ruffle curtain effect. The Pops are staggered in hanging length, and the result is absolutely beautiful! Two rainbow colored Unicorn Pop vanity curtains! It looks like a regular funhouse in here! Local readers: please stop by to see.
* Writers note: For those readers who do not live in Western NC, a plott hound is a regional dog breed, selected for hundreds of years to be fast and fearless large game hunters (bear, wild boar and cougar). Naively, I acquired one as a pet 5 years ago. They are also the NC state dog.