Sunday, February 24, 2008

Now I'm good, but I maybe used to be a heathen

Friday morning I was driving out to Haywood County to retrieve some very delicious trout from Sunburst Trout, and I decided, as I often do, to maximize my driving experience by tuning in to WHBK radio (am 1460 out of Marshall). I turned it on just in time to catch the Bible reading of the morning, which was from 1 Corinthians 11, which reads as follows from verse 3 to verse 15:

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head
of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. But every woman
that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dihonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be
covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image of God: but the woman is the glory
of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman;
but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord. For as the woman
is of the man, even so is the man by the woman; but all things of God. Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman
pray unto God uncovered? Does not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given to her for a covering.

Thank God I have long hair. Because I really want to be able to have the option of praying or prophesying. I think I maybe used to be a really really bad woman because ten years ago I shaved my head. My only glimmer of hope is that I left a very long rat tail. Is that long enough to be a covering for me? Because I may have prayed or prophesyed during that time. It is likely that I did.
My question for the public is this: What if a woman who was virtuous in every other way had a mullet? Would she be considered ungodly and uncovered? Is is possible to be shameful in the front and glorious in the back? Perhaps a woman with a mullet can only send her prayers out from the back of her head? Would that be considered radiating white light out from your brain stem? What chakra is that? This is all very confusing. (So is the punctuation in the above Bible passage...)


Anonymous said...

If a woman had a (blue/purple/red) mohawk, she might radiate a glorious fan of radiant prayer--but only if it could escape the magnetic field of evil radiating from the shorn whitewalls she sported. This tricky theological point was first noted by St. Augustine of Hippo in his post-Manichaean prayer: God grant me follicular abundance, but not yet...first allow me to stick it to the man with a subversive haircut (da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo).
On a lighter/much more serious note, I'd like some otter/bear lard salve too.
Mark F

Dana said...

Mark F, I don't know latin or even fake latin, but I get the sense what you said was pretty funny. I will honor your request for salve on the condition that you construct a propositional haiku on the matter. Until then.